No More Wrinkles And Sagging Skin On Your Face – All You Need Is These 2 Ingredients

As you get older, your skin begins to age and its elasticity is reduced. If you stroll down the anti-aging aisle of any drugstore, you will find a number of products that claim to minimize wrinkles and sagging skin.


But, before you empty your wallet and buy those products, pause for a moment. Step into your kitchen and take a look at the shelves. You will find those magical ingredients that can get rid of wrinkles and other signs of aging right there. Moreover, unlike commercial products, these fresh ingredients provide active vitamins to the skin. They soften fine lines and moisturize the skin, revealing a fresher and younger you.
We are talking about cucumber and egg white. The procedure to make your own anti-aging cream is very simple. Here’s how you can make it:

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cucumber
  • 1 egg white

How To Make

  1. Peel half a cucumber and cut it into thin slices.
  2. Toss the cucumber slices in a blender and blend until it forms a smooth pulp.
  3. Strain the juice and add the egg white of one egg to it.
  4. Mix well and apply it to your face and neck. Let it sit for 15-20 minutes.
  5. Rinse with cold water.
You can apply this face mask daily. Cucumber juice is rich in silica, which helps reduce wrinkles and appearance of fine lines. The egg white, on the other hand, helps tighten the skin.
source and courtesy: stylecraze.com

Napping can Dramatically Increase Learning, Memory, Awareness, and More

Did you know that some towns actually shut down in the afternoon so that everyone can go or a quick power nap, recharge and come back to work? Unfortunately, this isn’t the case in the US where a mid-day nap is quite the luxury rarely who can afford and is often considered a sign of utmost laziness. If you’re among those who enjoy the occasional weekend snooze, feel free to continue with it because as it turns out napping is healthy and it’s a normal and integral part of the circadian (sleep-wake cycle) rhythm.

You’ve probably noticed that as you go about your day and time passes by, your focus and alertness start degrading, even if you’ve had a decent night sleep. And even if it’s not a big deal nowadays, back in the day it may have been a life or death question. So whether you’re working hard on a project or just doing your job to provide for your family, a short nap can really power you up and keep you going for much longer. You don’t need much; just 15 to 20 minutes can make a world of difference. And the funny thing is that world renowned companies who pay top dollar recognize this need, Apple and Google are just a few of the companies which let their employees to take a short nap after lunchtime.  Even studies have shown that short naps can improve awareness and productivity.

According to a study from the University of Colorado Boulder discovered that children who didn’t take their afternoon nap didn’t display much joy and interest, had a higher level of anxiety, and lower problem solving skills compared to other children who napped regularly. The same goes for adults as well. Researchers with Berkeley found that adults who regularly take advantage of an afternoon nap have a better learning ability and improved memory function. Why is napping so essential? Because it gives your brain a reboot, where the short term memory is cleared out and our brain becomes refreshed with new defragged space.
How long should you nap?
According to experts, 10 to 20 minutes is quite enough to refresh your mind and increase your energy and alertness.  The sleep isn’t as deep as longer naps and you’re able to get right back at your day immediately after waking up. If you nap for 30 minutes you may deal with a 30 minute grogginess period because you wake up just as your body started entering a deeper stage of sleep.  The same can be said if you sleep for an hour, but on the other hand, these 60 minute naps provide an excellent memory boost. The longest naps— lasting about 90 minutes—are recommended  for those people who just don’t get enough sleep at night. Since it’s a complete sleep cycle, it can improve emotional memory and creativity.
There you have it – naps are good for you physical and mental well-being so you should practice them as much as you can. However, be advised that you shouldn’t sacrifice night time sleeping for an afternoon nap, they should be an addition to a good night sleep.
Source and courtesy: http://www.thinkinghumanity.com

20 Amazing Facts about the Human Body That We Never Knew

We tend to think that we know our own bodies perfectly. We know how they work and what kinds of changes and processes are occurring in them every second of the day. But in fact, the human body is one seriously complex and mysterious mechanism that sometimes confuses even the most qualified specialists — doctors and scientists.
We  found 20 stunningly interesting facts about our body that deeply impressed us. Did you know about all these?
  1. A tongue print is absolutely unique; remember this when showing it to somebody!

  1. A single hair can hold the weight of a hanging apple. However, scientists don’t specify the dimensions of the apple.
  1. The number of bacteria in a person’s mouth is equal to the number of people living on Earth, or even more.
4. Nails that are soft and brittle, with no moon, could indicate an overactive thyroid.

  1. The speed of an incoming brain impulse is about 400 km/h.
  1. There are not just four different blood types as we used to think, but in fact 29! The rarest of them belongs to the Bombay subtype, which is common for a small group of families in Japan.
  1. Over the course of just one day, our blood ’runs’ the distance of 19,312 kilometers.

  1. The total length of all the nerves in the human body is 75 kilometers.
  1. A human makes approximately 20,000 breaths per day.
  1. A human eye can distinguish up to 10 million different colors. But our brain can’t remember all of them.
  1. Our ears keep on growing throughout our lives with almost unbelievable speed — a quarter of a millimeter per year!
  1. The heart beats 35 million times a year. Yes, 35 million. A year!

  1. Every day, the human body loses about one million skin cells — that amounts to 2 kilos every year.
  1. 1 square centimeter of your skin contains around a hundred pain sensors.
  1. Boys have fewer taste buds on the surface of their tongues than girls do.
  1. The average person consumes about 35 tons of food during his or her life.
  1. A human spends about five years of their life blinking. Fortunately, we can do many other things simultaneously!
  1. 100,000 chemical reactions occur every second in our brains.
  1. The speed of your sneeze is 160 km/h.
  1. Smiling triggers 17 muscles of the face while crying activates 43. So smile more!

This Picture Test Can Reveal a Lot About Your Character

This picture test can reveal much about your character and outlook on life. All you have to do is answer one simple question without thinking about it for too long:

What did you see here first?

If you saw...
An explosion
This is evidence that you have a well-developed imagination and that this has helped you in numerous situations. The chances are that you’re a very creative individual and work in an artistic sphere of activity. If you don’t, then you’ve probably got hidden talents within you that are worth trying to give expression to. Think about what you enjoyed doing when you were a child: did you like drawing or singing? At the very least, a new hobby won’t do you any harm. You need to use your creative energy in order to live a full life.
Two hands
You have a well-developed imagination, but at the same time you rely on logic as the basis for most of your actions. You see what is really in front of your eyes first and foremost. You’re a clear-headed individual and people can always turn to you for sound advice. Cold rationality and a sharp mind allow you to extricate yourself from even the most complex and difficult situations. You never give in to panic, always keep calm, and are astute enough to know how to calm down others as well. People see a strong person in you that they are instinctively drawn toward.
A tree
You’re a very observant person who notices all the little details in things. No information can be hidden from you. At the same time, you’re highly sensitive to the moods of those around you. You know how to extract information from people and understand when it’s the right moment to pose this or that question to an individual. Your calling lies somewhere in the professional business world. You’re guaranteed to be successful in those spheres of activity that require conscientiousness and precision.
Nothing
If you didn’t see anything when you first looked at the image above, then you need to take a rest. You’re clearly tired and you’re finding it difficult to resolve complex tasks. You find it hard to make sense of things from a different perspective and take many things far too literally. Take a break. A few days spent in solitude and calm will give you strength for new activities.
source and courtesy: brightside.me

6 Facts about Meditation That Might Surprise You

Myth #1: Meditation is hard.
Truth: This myth is rooted in the image of meditation as a practice reserved only for saints, holy men, and yogis. Though it’s best to learn from an experienced, knowledgeable teacher, the techniques can be as simple as focusing on your breathing or silently repeating a mantra. One reason why meditation may seem difficult is that we try too hard to concentrate, we’re overly attached to results, or we’re not sure we are doing it right.
Myth #2: You need to quiet your mind completely to meditate successfully.
Truth: This may be the No. 1 myth about meditation and is the cause of many people giving up in frustration. Meditation isn’t about stopping our thoughts or trying to empty our mind—both of these approaches only create stress and more noisy internal chatter. We can’t stop or control our thoughts, but we can decide how much attention to give them. Through meditation we can find the quiet that already exists in the space between our thoughts. Sometimes referred to as “the gap,” this space between thoughts is pure consciousness, pure silence, and pure peace. As you meditate on a regular basis, you will spend more and more time in this state of expanded awareness and silence.
Be assured that even if it feels like you have been thinking throughout your entire meditation, you are still receiving the benefits of your practice. When my friend and colleague David Simon taught meditation, he would often tell students, “The thought ‘I’m having thoughts’ may be the most important thought you have ever thought, because before you had that thought, you may not have even known you were having thoughts. You probably thought you were your thoughts.” Simply noticing that you are having thoughts is a breakthrough, because it begins to shift your internal reference point from ego mind to witnessing awareness. As you become less identified with your thoughts and stories, you experience greater peace and open to new possibilities.
Myth #3: It takes years of practice to receive any benefits from meditation.
Truth: The benefits of meditation are both immediate and long-term. Many scientific studies provide evidence that meditation has profound effects on the mind-body physiology within just weeks of practice. For example, a study led by Harvard University and Massachusetts General Hospital found that as little as eight weeks of meditation not only helped people experience decreased anxiety and greater feelings of calm; it also produced growth in the areas of the brain associated with memory, empathy, sense of self, and stress regulation.
At the Chopra Center, we commonly hear from new meditators who are able to sleep soundly for the first time in years after just a few days of daily meditation practice. Other common benefits of meditation include improved concentration, decreased blood pressure, reduced stress and anxiety, and enhanced immune function. Learn more about the benefits of meditation on the Chopra Center blog.

Myth #4: I don’t have enough time to meditate.
Truth: There are busy, productive executives who have not missed a meditation in twenty-five years, and if you make meditation a priority, you will do it. If you feel like your schedule is too full, remember that even just a few minutes of meditation is better than none. We encourage you not to talk yourself out of meditating just because it’s a bit late or you feel too sleepy.
In life’s paradoxical way, when we spend time meditating on a regular basis, we actually have more time. When we meditate, our breathing and heart rate slow down, our blood pressure lowers, and our body decreases the production of stress hormones and other chemicals that speed up the aging process and give us the subjective feeling that we are “running out of time.”
In meditation, we are in a state of restful alertness that is extremely refreshing for the body and mind. As people stick with their meditation ritual, they notice that they are able to accomplish more while doing less. Instead of struggling so hard to achieve goals, they spend more and more time “in the flow” – aligned with universal intelligence that orchestrates everything.
Myth #5: Meditation requires spiritual or religious beliefs.
Truth: Meditation doesn’t require a specific spiritual belief, and many people of many different religions practice meditation without any conflict with their current religious beliefs. Some meditators have no particular religious beliefs or are atheist or agnostic. They meditate in order to experience inner quiet and the numerous physical and mental health benefits of the practice. The original reason that I started meditating was to help myself stop smoking. Meditation enables us to enjoy whatever we do in our lives more fully and happily—whether that is playing sports, taking care of our children, or advancing in our career.
Myth #6: I’m supposed to have transcendent experiences in meditation.
Truth: Some people are disappointed when they don’t experience visions, see colors, levitate, hear a choir of angels, or glimpse enlightenment when they meditate. Although we can have a variety of wonderful experiences when we meditate, including feelings of bliss and oneness, these aren’t the purpose of the practice. The real benefits of meditation are what happens in the other hours of the day when we’re going about our daily lives. When we emerge from our meditation session, we carry some of the stillness and silence of our practice with us, allowing us to be more creative, compassionate, centered, and loving to ourselves and everyone we encounter.

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason

Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown
It’s Been Said That We Really Only Fall In Love With Three People In Our Lifetime.
Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.
Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children.
This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.
Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.
It’s a love that looks right.
The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.
We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.
Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.
With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.
It’s the love that we wished was right.
And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.
Thiss is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.
It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.
This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.
It’s the love that just feels right.
Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.
Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.
Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.
And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.
Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are.
But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.
They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.
But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.
Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.
What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.
The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.
And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third.
The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.
And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.
You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown
source and courtesy: theusualroutine.com

5 Secrets To Help You Live A Blissful Life

Have you ever had a moment when you realized everything you thought you knew was completely wrong? Well, get ready for the epiphany of your lifetime.
The only way to turn your life around and make it good and fulfilling has nothing to do with becoming right and famous. Here are 5 healthy tips to living a truly blissful life:
  1. Work ethic.
If you want to build a successful career, doing your job and getting it done come haill or high water is the only way to take it to the next level. A strong work ethic trumps anything else you can throw at your career to try and get it going. Strive to be better than everyone else. Work your tail off to meet commitments and make your boss, customers, etc., deliriously happy.

  1. Don’t waste your time.
A major part of having a strong work ethic is figuring out what matters most in life and focusing on doing just that. If you are disciplined about it and learn to prioritize your time and energy, your daily habits and personal productivity will fall into place.
image credits
  1. Don’t be lazy.
No more sitting around and thinking. Now is the time for doing. Paying attention to what you are really doing while working will show you if what you are really doing is helping further your career or just wasting your time.

  1. Learn.
Rather than searching for answers, focus on education, experience and introspection. They are the source of all learning. Go to school to learn the craft you are trying to build, get experience working in the real world, and sit quietly enough to listen to yourself introspectively.

  1. Be strategic.
Learning how to take smart risks and make good choices takes time, but with experience your instincts will grow. Think of it this way: top executives are paid to make smart decisions. Do you want to be a worker paid to work or make decisions?

source and courtesy: entrepreneur.com

GUAVA LEAVES CAN EXTREMELY 100% STOP YOUR HAIR LOSS AND MAKE IT GROW LIKE CRAZY!

How Guava leaves can help your hair grow

Different people suffer from different levels of hair loss, ranging form minor to severe. Though, no matter what the case, having to tackle hair loss can be a pain in the rear end.
Before landing here, a lot of you might already have experimented with over the counter cosmetics which include oils, shampoos or other treatments which can work well but are not always cost effective.
Hence, looking for natural remedies for your hair loss issues will not only be cheaper than many options out there, but is also very similar. One of the best natural remedies for hair loss can be found within guavas.

Guava and Hair

Besides being an absolutely delicious fruit to eat, guavas (specifically their leaves) contain an abundance of vitamins and nutrients that are ideal for improved hair growth. Guava leaves are rich in Vitamin B2 which helps heal the cells and tissues in the body. This can also help those in need of better skin or nails.
If you include guava leaves in your regular hair care program, you are likely to see a fuller head of stronger hair. Not only that, but you will also see lesser hair falling out.
Method:
In order to enjoy the full benefits that guava has to offer, all you need to do is boil a few of guava leaves in a liter of water for about 20 minutes. Once that is done, set it aside to cool down to room temperature, and then strain the water.
Before applying the leaves, you must make sure that there is nothing applied on your hair before hand, not even shampoo. It is best to use this remedy after showering. When the water is at room temperature, apply it onto your hair from roots to tip, and then massaging gently into your scalp.

Why is Guava Leaves solution so effective

The restorative properties that are found in the guava leaves are transferred within the water, once it is boiled. If you use the solution regularly for your scalp and hair, it will work to significantly reduce your hair loss.
Another incredible advantage of utilizing guava leaves to help with your hair loss is that it is 100% natural. It is not at all like medicines found in the pharmacy, or recommended to you by your specialists. There are no conceivably destructive chemicals found in guava leaves. That implies that you are probably not going to have a serious reaction, unless you have a guava allergy.
Without the utilization of chemicals, there are no adverse side effects that may worsen your condition. Give your hair something natural, so it can become more healthy and more strong than it has been. Help yourself out, and simply observe the miracles a natural remedy like guava leaves can do to make your hair wonderful once more.
source and courtesy: top4homeremedies.com

Why Do We Lose Friends As We Get Older?

When we’re young, our friends are our whole world. But when we get older, unfortunately, they often get put on the back burner. Yet we still need friendship in adulthood as much as we do when we’re children. Amid the bustle and mind-numbing routine of everyday life, we deeply value the time we spend talking to them, discussing both trivial and serious issues. And when we meet face-to-face, more often than not we can’t get enough of them, never running out of things to say.
But why do friends seem to disappear as we get older? Is it our fault? And what can we do to avoid losing them completely? This article from journalist Julie Beck tries to answer these vitally important questions.

Friendship means freedom. This is what makes it beautiful...but weak

In the hierarchy of relationships, friendships are at the bottom. Romantic partners, parents, children — all these come first.
This is true in life, and in science, where relationship research tends to focus on couples and families. When Emily Langan, an associate professor of communication at Wheaton College goes to conferences for the International Association of Relationship Researchers, she says, "friendship is the smallest cluster there. Sometimes it’s a panel, if that."
Friendships are unique relationships because unlike family relationships, we choose to enter into them. And unlike other voluntary bonds, like marriages and romantic relationships, they lack a formal structure. You wouldn’t go months without speaking to or seeing your significant other (hopefully), but you might go that long without contacting a friend.
Still, survey upon survey upon survey shows how important people’s friends are to their happiness. And though friendships tend to change as people age, there is some consistency in what people want from them.
“I’ve listened to someone as young as 14 and someone as old as 100 talk about their close friends, and [there are] three expectations of a close friend that I hear people describing and valuing across the entire life course,“ says William Rawlins, the Stocker Professor of Interpersonal Communication at Ohio University. ”Somebody to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy. These expectations remain the same, but the circumstances under which they’re accomplished change."
The voluntary nature of friendship makes it subject to life’s whims in a way more formal relationships aren’t. In adulthood, as people grow up and go away, friendships are the relationships most likely to take a hit. You’re stuck with your family, and you’ll prioritize your spouse. But where once you could run over to Jonny’s house at a moment’s notice and see if he could come out to play, now you have to ask Jonny if he has a couple hours to get a drink in two weeks.
The beautiful, special thing about friendship, that friends are friends because they want to be, that they choose each other, is “a double agent,“ Langan says, ”because I can choose to get in, and I can choose to get out."
Throughout life, from grade school to the retirement home, friendship continues to confer health benefits, both mental and physical. But as life accelerates, people’s priorities and responsibilities shift, and friendships are affected, for better, or often, sadly, for worse.

How friendship changes with age

The saga of adult friendship starts off well enough. “I think young adulthood is the golden age for forming friendships,“ Rawlins says. ”Especially for people who have the privilege and the blessing of being able to go to college."
During young adulthood, friendships become more complex and meaningful. In childhood, friends are mostly other kids who are fun to play with; in adolescence, there’s a lot more self-disclosure and support between friends, but adolescents are still discovering their identity, and learning what it means to be intimate. Their friendships help them do that.
But, “in adolescence, people have a really tractable self,“ Rawlins says. ”They’ll change." How many band t-shirts from Hot Topic end up sadly crumpled at the bottom of dresser drawers because the owners’ friends said the band was lame? The world may never know. By young adulthood, people are usually a little more secure in themselves, more likely to seek out friends who share their values on the important things, and let the little things be.
To go along with their newly sophisticated approach to friendship, young adults also have time to devote to their friends. According to the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships, young adults often spend between 10 and 25 hours a week with friends, and the 2014 American Time Use Survey found that people between 20 and 24 years old spent the most time per day socializing on average of any age group.
As people enter middle age, they tend to have more demands on their time, many of them more pressing than friendship. After all, it’s easier to put off catching up with a friend than it is to skip your kid’s play or an important business trip. The ideal of people’s expectations for friendship is always in tension with the reality of their lives, Rawlins says.
“The real bittersweet aspect is young adulthood begins with all this time for friendship, and friendship just having this exuberant, profound importance for figuring out who you are and what’s next,“ Rawlins says. ”And you find at the end of young adulthood, now you don’t have time for the very people who helped you make all these decisions."
The time is poured, largely, into jobs and families. Not everyone gets married or has kids, of course, but even those who stay single are likely to see their friendships affected by others’ couplings. “The largest drop-off in friends in the life course occurs when people get married,“ Rawlins says. ”And that’s kind of ironic, because at the [wedding], people invite both of their sets of friends, so it’s kind of this last wonderful and dramatic gathering of both people’s friends, but then it drops off."
But if you plot busyness across the life course, it makes a parabola. The tasks that take up our time taper down in old age. Once people retire and their kids have grown up, there seems to be more time for the shared living kind of friendship again. People tend to reconnect with old friends they’ve lost touch with. And it seems more urgent to spend time with them—according to socio-emotional selectivity theory, toward the end of life, people begin prioritizing experiences that will make them happiest in the moment, including spending time with close friends and family.
How people find new friends
As they move through life, people make and keep friends in different ways:
  • Some are independent, they make friends wherever they go, and may have more friendly acquaintances than deep friendships.
  • Others are discerning, meaning they have a few best friends they stay close with over the years, but the deep investment means that the loss of one of those friends would be devastating.
  • The most flexible are the acquisitive — people who stay in touch with old friends, but continue to make new ones as they move through the world.

What helps maintain friendships?

And some people do manage to stay friends for life, or at least for a sizeable chunk of life. But what predicts who will last through the maelstrom of middle age and be there for the silver age of friendship?
Whether people hold onto their old friends or grow apart seems to come down to dedication and communication. In Ledbetter’s longitudinal study of best friends, the number of months that friends reported being close in 1983 predicted whether they were still close in 2002, suggesting that the more you’ve invested in a friendship already, the more likely you are to keep it going. Other research has found that people need to feel like they are getting as much out of the friendship as they are putting in, and that that equity can predict a friendship’s continued success.
Hanging out with a set of lifelong best friends can be annoying, because the years of inside jokes and references often make their communication unintelligible to outsiders. But this sort of shared language is part of what makes friendships last. In the longitudinal study, the researchers were also able to predict friends’ future closeness by how well they performed on a word-guessing game in 1983. (The game was similar to Taboo, in that one partner gave clues about a word without actually saying it, while the other guessed.)
"Such communication skill and mutual understanding may help friends successfully transition through life changes that threaten friendship stability," the study reads. Friends don’t necessarily need to communicate often, or intricately, just similarly.

Online communication is not enough

Of course, there are more ways than ever that people can communicate with friends, and media multiplexity theory suggests that the more platforms on which friends communicate — texting and emailing, sending each other funny Snapchats and links on Facebook, and seeing each other in person — the stronger their friendship is. "If we only have the Facebook tie, that’s probably a friendship that’s in greater jeopardy of not surviving into the future," Ledbetter says.
Though you would think we would all know better by now than to draw a hard line between online relationships and “real“ relationships, Langan says her students still use ”real" to mean “in-person.”
There are four main levels of maintaining a relationship, and digital communication works better for some than for others. The first is just keeping a relationship alive at all, just to keep it in existence. Saying "Happy Birthday" on Facebook, faving a friend’s tweet — these are the life support machines of friendship. They keep it breathing, but mechanically.
Next is to keep a relationship at a stable level of closeness. “I think you can do that online too,“ Langan says. ”Because the platforms are broad enough in terms of being able to write a message, being able to send some support comments if necessary." It’s sometimes possible to repair a relationship online, too, (another maintenance level) depending on how badly it was broken — getting back in touch with someone, or sending a heartfelt apology email.
“But then when you get to the next level, which is: Can I make it a satisfying relationship? That’s I think where the line starts to break down,“ Langan says. ”Because what happens often is people think of satisfying relationships as being more than an online presence."

The main enemies of friendship: politeness, and circumstances

“This is one thing I really want to tell you,“ Rawlins says. ”Friendships are always susceptible to circumstances. If you think of all the things we have to do — we have to work, we have to take care of our kids, or our parents — friends choose to do things for each other, so we can put them off. They fall through the cracks."
After young adulthood, he says, the reasons that friends stop being friends are usually circumstantial — due to things outside the relationship itself. One of the findings from Langan’s “friendship rules“ study was that ”adults feel the need to be more polite in their friendships," she says. “We don’t feel like, in adulthood, we can demand very much of our friends. It’s unfair, they’ve got other stuff going on. So we stop expecting as much, which to me is kind of a sad thing, that we walk away from that.” For the sake of being polite.
But the things that make friendship fragile also make it flexible. Rawlins’ interviewees tended to think of their friendships as continuous, even if they went through long periods where they were out of touch. This is a fairly sunny view — you wouldn’t assume you were still on good terms with your parents if you hadn’t heard from them in months. But the default assumption with friends is that you’re still friends.
“That is how friendships continue, because people are living up to each other’s expectations. And if we have relaxed expectations for each other, or we’ve even suspended expectations, there’s a sense in which we realize that,“ Rawlins says. ”A summer when you’re 10, three months is one-thirtieth of your life. When you’re 30, what is it? It feels like the blink of an eye."
Perhaps friends are more willing to forgive long lapses in communication because they’re feeling life’s velocity acutely too. It’s sad, sure, that we stop relying on our friends as much when we grow up, but it allows for a different kind of relationship, based on a mutual understanding of each other’s human limitations. It’s not ideal, but it’s real, as Rawlins might say. Friendship is a relationship with no strings attached except the ones you choose to tie, one that’s just about being there, as best as you can.
source and courtesy: brightside.me

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